Hazardous Mind (OPEN)

[alexa lucy greene]

Alexa sniffed. Everything was moving so fast. Who else knew Romulus's secret? How could she have known him for so long and not notice? Was she that oblivious to everything around her? She was afraid what he might do now. If he left now, how long would he really leave her? Would he avoid her? Her mind was full of questions but yet she didn't want to ask, it sounded desperate. She was, though. Maybe Romulus noticed, maybe he didn't, but if he did, he wasn't looking like he was going to do anything about it.

Then, he had caught her eye. There was no anger in her eyes, there was only confusion. Had what he really said was true? It made Alexa feel as though she was making this all up. She had no idea that he would say all these things to her again, not after they broke up. At least he was sure of how he was feeling. Alexa was too. But she knew his mind. He couldn't possibly ever be with her again since he considered being single protecting her. She was curious though, why did he take this long to tell her?

"Well, if you do, then I hope you don't keep any more secrets," said Alexa. She was softening her fists now, calming down a lot more. "You know you can trust me, right?

[/color]" asked Alexa. She felt like running into him, to hug him, but her knee wouldn't follow the orders from her mind. It was stuck there and evidently, it wasn't planning to move.

A[/i]s she stared into his eyes, she couldn't help but let her heart melt. The times they had been through was just magical to her. She doubted that she would ever find someone as good as him anymore. If he wasn't that special guy, she knew it was going to be hard for her to find one. Alexa suddenly had a melancholy feeling inside. What if she was supposed to grow old lonely, all by herself? It wasn't a pleasant thought.[/blockquote][/blockquote]

Word Count : 356
Notes : Sorry for the wait :/[/size]

[romulus alastor lupin]

He stared into her eyes, oh how he could stay there all day and get lost in them. This was neither the time nor place to do so. He expected anger to radiate from them, betrayl, hurt. Just...confusion. What was she counfused about? He thought that what he told her was plain, simple and straight to the point, even if he had stalled for time earlier. Confusion, he never understood the way for the female's mind and he figured he probably would never either. Females, they were the strange mysterious creatures, the complete opposite of males. No wonder people often said opposites attract.

Romulus took a moment to contemplate whether to continue walking away from her or not. He decided not and he knelt down beside her.
"I'm glad i can trust you," he replied to her words of trust. At least she wasnt going to go around and tell everyone, well he hoped so. Her other statement though made him think. He couldnt possible tell her his other secret, he could just picture it now, she'd more than likely become a complete wreak.
"Everyone has secrets they dont wish to tell, though the truth of these secrets will eventually come out with the right amount of time given," he spoke like he had read the statement from a textbook, but they were his own words, nothing in books was similiar to that statement. that was his belief which meant that his other secret, the self harming would make itself known sooner or later. He hoped later or never.

This time he reached out, his hand hovered close to her face. He was hesitant in touching her, he still expected her to shy away from him, call him a monster and be done with him. He never expected her to take it so calmly, with a simple slap to the face. He had to give her credit for that, he knew many would have run in her situation, crawled or even used magic to get away from him. His mind went to his parents. Was it this hard for them as it was for him.
"I'm so sorry," his voice came out as a mere whisper as he closed the gap between his hand and her face, resting it on her cheek for a moment before moving to sweep her hair from her face to tuck behind her ear. He left his hand to linger near her, not wanting to make her feel uncomfortable at all in knowing that she was being touched by a werewolf.

Tagged:

[/font] open
Word Count:[/font] 427
Notes:[/font] its ok, i dont mind.
Lyrics:[/font] Curse Of The Werewolf by TIMELESS MIRACLE
Credit:[/font] Me[/size][/color][/blockquote]

[alexa lucy greene]

Well, at least now he knew he could trust her. It was all that mattered. Besides, what is friendship without trust? Might as well be strangers if he didn't. Alexa knew that she was still shaken by the news of her friend being a werewolf, but she figured that if she still loved him, no matter what he was or was going to be, she should still accept the fact. She pictured it in her head if she had taken the news as a very strong blow: her shivering from head to toe, crying in fear and running away from him to the dormitory. She knew if she had done that, it would make her regret and regret wasn't exactly a person's best friend.

Alexa sighed as she heard his apology. "Don't say sorry anymore, you haven't done anything wrong and it makes me feel bad," said Alexa. She had no idea what on earth he was apologising for. Not telling her sooner? Yeah, that would make her feel no less angry but at least he eventually told her. She couldn't recall him doing anything bad and by hearing his apologies, she felt as if she had driven him to an edge. It wasn't such a comfortable feeling.

Her breathing shallowed as he rested his hand on her cheek. She smiled slightly. She wanted to say something, but she had no idea what words were right for the moment. The feeling was strange, knowing you were being touched by someone that said he killed before. But, Alexa had no worries of him being dangerous. She knew him for a long period of time already and so far, he hadn't done anything that would actually harm her. "How is it like, being transformed into a... werewolf?

[/color]" asked Alexa. She kept that question in her long enough already. She couldn't imagine how hard it must have been for him to live being a werewolf. Not that she was implying it was bad, it was just weird to her.[/blockquote][/blockquote][/size]

Word Count : ( 347 ) !
Notes : Sorry it took so long, was busy :/

[romulus alastor lupin]

He almost laughed at her statement; he couldn’t help but say sorry, though he didn’t think sorry really cut it. He had basically let her think that he was just a mere normal wizard when they were together. He was sorry and he wasn’t going to let her words change that, though he hadn’t outright lied to her, he had kept it from her. The last part of her statement made him worry slightly. He had no intention of making her feel bad that was far from what he wanted her to feel. Then again what did he hope for, excitement, joy and happiness, no. Relief, yes, though he found himself more at ease instead. Now as he thought about it, it made him feel bad. He felt like he had just thrown this huge burden on her shoulders and expected her to carry it around like it was nothing at all. How could he be so careless, and thus two words floated through his mind, the ones she didn’t want to her: I’m sorry.

At least she didn’t flinch when he touched her, that was a good sign and she even spoke, well asked a question, maybe telling her wasn’t so bad at all.
"Transforming into a werewolf..." he trailed off, what was it like? He never really thought of it, though there was one thing he did know, "it’s painful, feeling the shifting and breaking of bones going from human to animal. Nothing like what animagus' have to go through, they're lucky in that sense." He paused again, this time dwelling on the question, she wanted to know and he wouldnt lie to her.
"It’s like freedom has come once the pain subsides; the strength, it makes you feel like your invincible, but then there is also the fact that the rational part of the brain takes a back seat to the werewolf's savageness. Though wolfsbane was created for that, to suppress or weaken that savageness. Being a half werewolf, I’m glad I don’t have to take a full dose, it tastes disgusting and yet it has to be drunk."

He hadn’t realised that he had been staring up at the ceiling as he spoke and as he looked back down to her he gave a smile, "i wouldn’t wish it on anyone else though, it is so hard to adjust to it, I can’t imagine how those that are bitten get on with it."

Tagged:

[/font] open
Word Count:[/font] 407
Notes:[/font] sorry its late, been busy getting ready to go back to university.
Lyrics:[/font] Curse Of The Werewolf by TIMELESS MIRACLE
Credit:[/font] Me[/size][/color][/blockquote]

[alexa lucy greene]

She found it hard to concentrate fully on Romulus's words without thinking of words in her head at the same time. Like, what would their relationship be like from now on? How would their friendship be like? Would they talk as much, or even lesser than they could ever imagine. She managed to catch a few of his words as well though. Like where he mentioned animaguses were more lucky since they had options to change into an animal, unlike werewolves, who apparently had no choice. She felt sorry for him. She knew she wouldn't like it if she was a werewolf, who always had to take note when the next full moon was going to be. It was painful being transformed into one as well. And the worst part was, you know you would always have to grow up living with yourself being a werewolf. It was hard to make friends as well, since most people were afraid of werewolves, not trying to take any risk into getting themself killed.

Yes, Alexa had been thinking whether she should run off or not, to leave Romulus there, knowing that he had scared her out of her wits. But then, she went with her gut feeling, which was to stay and try to understand more. Who knew, it had calmed her down. And now, she was talking to him as if nothing was out of place, nothing out of the ordinary had just happened. She wondered what her other friends from Slytherin would react if they were her. They would run away, that was the highest possibility. Sometimes, she just didn't know whether she was really happy in Slytherin. Sure, she could be nasty and loved to torture people at times, but when you're a friend, it was like she was someone completely different, like a good girl. Now, she had done something she thought no Slytherin would do, though she couldn't be sure.

Alexa could feel herself almost shivering, though she wasn't sure whether she really was shivering or whether it was just in her head. But, what Romulus said was really deep and somewhat frightening. It may not be to some people, but Alexa had grown up without much scariness happening around her and she wasn't so used to it. How did Romulus act when he was a werewolf? Alexa was curious. She had never seen a savage part of Romulus, ever. It was just too hard to imagine someone so gentle, kind, forgiving turning into a savage werewolf. If Romulus's face hadn't been so serious, Alexa wouldn't have believed him.

Alexa looked up from the ground up at Romulus. He was smiling down at her. "I wonder how much easier it would be for you if you weren't a werewolf. I seriously didn't suspect anything of that kind for you. I mean, you're a nice guy, kind, sweet, gentle. You are nothing like what a werewolf is," said Alexa. That was from the bottom of her heart. She could never lie to him. Especially not now when he trusts her so much. She couldn't let him down like that.

Word Count : ( 535 ) !
Notes : ( Sorry for the super long wait >< I forgot to say that I had a 4D3N camp! )

[romulus alastor lupin]

He moved from his keeling position and sat down next to her, straightening his legs out in front of him, not realising how stiff they had gotten from kneeling. He allowed her time to process the information. He too had things to think through but as he tried sorting through them in his mind, the more complex it became, thoughts pertaining to Alexa and where that put them on the friends scale. Would Alexa and Pandora try to act nice to one another now that they both knew of his werewolf status? He raised a hand and scratched at his head. At this moment, thinking was becoming tiresome and his exhausted brain could lead him to do something dangerous again. Telling Alexa about his werewolf side had distracted his thoughts of the pocketknife up in his dorm for a while, but he knew it was lingering in the back of his mind, ready to push its way to the front and become a priority thing to think about. No he couldn’t think, he refused to think.

Her voice brought him back to reality just at the right time, something about it being easier if he wasn’t a werewolf.
"I often think about that and sometimes I used to wish for a normal werewolf free life but I’ve accepted it. It’s who I am, it’s what has made me well me. I don’t think I would change myself if I could now," he replied moving his head to look at her, "I try to separate the 2 sides of me, it seems easier that way; I can let all my anger and frustration out as a werewolf. I don’t intend for others to see that part of me no matter how much control I have over myself, not unless they can change into animals themselves. Werewolves don’t really have issues with animals unless they attack us first but we see humans as threats, that’s why I asked if you ever considered becoming an animagus." He could only remember asking her if she thought about becoming an animagus once and that was at the beginning of their relationship before anything had gotten too serious. He was sure he had asked her throughout their relationship, but like her answers, he couldn’t remember them.
"Didn’t you ever wonder why I was such a good beater on the Quidditch pitch, didn’t you ever think it was strange to find I could hit the bludgers further than the others?" he asked, trying to change the subject.

Tagged:

[/font] open
Word Count:[/font] 420
Notes:[/font] sworry if its blah.
Lyrics:[/font] Curse Of The Werewolf by TIMELESS MIRACLE
Credit:[/font] Me[/size][/color][/blockquote]

[alexa lucy greene]

W

[/b]hen Alexa came to think of it, she didn't really think about any of those small little things that Romulus had asked her. She didn't notice them. Even if she did, she would let it pass. She didn't think it was important at that time anyway. She wondered whether other students had ever wondered why Romulus was much stronger than everyone else. Then she remembered about those times when he had asked her about becoming an animagus. She did think that it was strange at the time when he kept asking her about that when she already said she didn't want to, and know she knew why. She wanted to comment on it, but she sensed that he wanted to change the subject, so she let him.

"I don't really pay attention to those small things, my mind just slips past them," said Alexa. She must've sounded really stupid. Many other people who were smart would have noticed. Not her though. She looked at him, then to the ground, playing with her thumbs, searching for something to say. She was stuck. She knew that he would know she was trying to continue the conversation. He knew her quirks. He knew what every gesture she did meant. She felt so idiotic now, frustrated, though she didn't know why.

A[/i]lexa sighed when she remembered about Pandora. The three of them were stuck in a complicated friendship. Alexa and Pandora didn't like each other, so Romulus was stuck in the middle. How hard had it been for him, she wondered. She had never been stuck like that before and now she was feeling a litte bad for letting him be the middleman all this time. It obviously felt hard. If they fought and chose him to pick a side, it was obviously going to stress him. Should she try to be nice to Pandora now? But, it would be too hard. They had been enemies for so long it would be strange if she suddenly acted all good to Pandora now.

"How long has Pandora known?" asked Alexa. She was saying that half-mindedly. Her eyes were fixed on the ground, but not focused on it. In her head, she was replaying pictures in her head about the three of them. All the quarrels with Pandora, all the sweet things that happened between her and Romulus and then lastly, how close Romulus was with Pandora. Secretly jealous Alexa was, though she wouldn't admit it. She didn't want to.[/blockquote][/blockquote][/size]

Word Count : ( 425 )
Notes : Sorry for the long wait once again, was busy these few days, lots of camps.

[romulus alastor lupin]

He wasnt at all suprised when she had said that she didnt really pay any attention to the small things. He nodded, he often thought of things but never took in the conseration of the smaller things. Such as him and his self harming, he never thought of what others would think if they found out, all he knew was he needed to keep it hidden. But then a part of his mind, only a small part did want to tell everyone, of course he disregarded the feelings of everyone that was close to him.

"We all let things slip our minds from time to time," he replied, again saying it like he was a walking textbook. Damn he had to stop doing that, just because he was in the 'smart' house didnt mean he had to be a walking, talking textbook. Maybe others from the house of Ravenclaw wanted to act like that, but Romulus wanted to be as close to a normal human as he could get.

Then a silence seemed to have crept up on them. Though strangely it wasnt an awkward silence but a comfortable one that they were use to. Maybe telling her he was half werewolf wasnt as bad as he thought. He glanced over at her, she was playing with her thumbs. He wanted to reach out and hug her and this time he did without hesitation. He slid closer to her and put an arm around her shoulder before she spoke again, asking how long his other best friend and that made him think. How long had it been, he couldnt even remember.
"She's known for a long time. She guessed it though, i never told her. you're the first i've told. Everyone who knows guessed," he replied with the truth as he gave her shoulder a gently squeeze.
"Are you...alright with everything?" he asked.

Tagged:

[/font] open/certain
Word Count:[/font] 314
Notes:[/font] sorry that its shorter than previous posts, my muse didnt want to cooperate with me today.
Lyrics:[/font] Curse Of The Werewolf by TIMELESS MIRACLE
Credit:[/font] Me[/size][/color][/blockquote]